When AFI originally released its Top 100 list, I was a bit surprised that no one came out with a list of the 100 worst American movies. But no one did. I eventually cobbled together this list, which hopefully will not give any ideas to producers or directors looking for their next project.

The following material is copyrighted and may not be reprinted in any electronic or print media, including but not limited to e-zines, websites, email, magazines, newspapers, television and radio, in whole or part, without prior written permission from the author.

Copyright 1998-1999

1. The African-American Queen - Starring Ru Paul, the story of how a young African-American male journeys home to find his roots, with a stop along the way in West Hollywood.

2. Madonna and the Seven Dwarfs - Starring the pop diva, a documentary on her attempt to top her prior tour excesses with seven short roadies.

3. Oscar's List - Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon star as Oscar Madison tries to list the losing horses he wagered on as part of his memoirs, crashing the database of the National Thoroughbred Foundation.

4. Casa Blanket - Starring Meryl Streep as an American exile in Spain who opens a house of comforters next door to a bar run by Liam Neeson. With Ralph Finnes as a German Fabric Inspector.

5. Citizen Candi Cane - Courtney Love as a conservative young woman who inherits her husband's newspaper empire upon his death and promptly turns it into a raunchy tabloid.

6. The Odd Father - Eddie Murphy is the leader of a crime syndicate in Los Angeles, who has trouble explaining his penchant for strange companions and lingerie to his children, who want to follow in his footsteps, provided they aren't high-heeled ones.

7. Reservoir Frogs - Quentin Tarantino writes, directs, produces, stars, scores, designs the production, edits and photographs this account of French criminals in Los Angeles, trying to hijack a tanker truck full of Perrier.

8. Full-Heavy-Metal Jacket - Lee Emery returns from the dead as the maniacal drill instructor, who is now a concert promoter who whips his heavy metal acts into shape with the combination of iron-boot discipline and a large supply of speed.

9. Latin-American Graffiti - Antonio Banderas as an adult tagger who refuses to give up his hobby of vandalizing freeway signs, even for the love of Selma Hayek.

10. The Odd-Father II - Joe Pesci and Al Pacino as "dons" who leave their wives for each other, moving from their fortress homes into a loft in the Village. 11. Pla-Toony - An animated feature film about a group of toons who run away from Toon Town to join the Army and discover that the horrors of war are tame compared to the horrors of Toon Town.

12. Gone With the Broken Wind - Bill Murray stars as a man whose wife, played by Karen Lynn Gorney of Saturday Night Fever Fame, threatens to leave him unless he does something about his constant flatulence.

13. The Full Monty Hall - Richard Dawson, Wink Martindale, Gene Rayburn, Jim Lange and Bob Eubanks star as out of work game-show hosts who contemplate opening a strip club in Hollywood.

14. Apocalypse Now and Then - Martin Sheen as a Viet Nam veteran who suffers from flashbacks during which he is crushed in a wrestling match with a huge pro-nuclear demonstrator played by Marlon Brando.

15. My Left Foot Loose - Kevin Bacon stars as an amputee dancer in this tale set in a small Iowa town, where he has moved to escape the shame of having his artificial foot fly off during a Broadway performance of Bring in Day Funk, striking Ben Veering in the face. Daniel-Day Lewis has a cameo in an effort to lower his Bacon index number.

16. Impossible Mission - Philip Morris, son of Mission Impossible regular Greg Morris, co-stars with Donna Summer as a duet attempting to re-ignite the Disco era.

17. Toostie Roll - Dustin Hoffman reprises his role as Michael Dorsey, the cross-dressing actor. Unable to get work either as an actor or actress, he lands a job as an acrobat/tumbler in a drag show in Key West.

18. Rocky VII - Rocky Balboa and Bullwinkle. Sylvester Stallone as the boxer, now turned moosewrangler in Alaska. Rocky's problem is that he is convinced that one of the moose, a cantankerous old buck named Winky, can talk. Winky's voice played by Burt Young torments Rocky with taunts of "I don't sweat you."

19. Bridge over the River Kwai Chang Caine - David Carradine plays a retired Kung-Fu master who leads a construction crew working to build a bridge over a river near Beijing. He is punished because he spends too much time trying to snatch pebbles from the hands of his workers.

20. Star Trek VIII - The Wrath of Khan's Grapes - William Shatner as a now retired Admiral James Kirk, hopelessly addicted to wine from the vines of Ricardo Montalbon's winery.

21. Ghostbusters IV: Busting Mrs Muir's Ghost - When the WB Network attempts to update "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir", starring Ewen Macgregor as the ghost and Twiggy as Mrs. Muir, an incensed Garret Morris begins haunting the production set.

22. Harry and Tonto meet the Lone Ranger. Clayton Moore is suffering from Alzheimers and becomes convinced that his elderly neighbor, played by Art Carney, has imprisoned the soul of Jay Silverheels within a cat.

23. King Kong plays Ping-Pong - Jackie Chan trains a huge gorilla to play Ping-Pong and then enters him in the world's championship, only to have the ape disqualified when it fails a urine test.

24. Rollerbladerunner - Harrison Ford hunts down renegade replicants who try to escape using jet propelled rollerblades.

25. Pulp Factions - Matt Damon stars as Dinty Moore, an Oregon logger determined to keep the Jane Fonda-led environmentalists from foiling his plans to turn an Oregon forest into pulp.

26. Jaws for Jesus - Roy Scheider trains a shark to give its victims a choice, convert to Christianity or become lunch. Fran Drescher plays the shark.

27. An American in Perris - Quentin Tarantino writes, directs, produces, stars, casts, designs, edits, films, finances, and handles props for this story of a U.S. Marine who returns to the small California town after a trip to Europe and goes berserk when the local diner refuses to provide mayonnaise for him to put on his french fries.

28. Trailers of the Lost Park - Johnny Depp and Leonardo Dicapprio are orphaned brothers in this story of a trailer park where generations are born, live a pitiful existence and die, and their attempts to escape their environment. Paula Jones plays their seductive next door neighbor.

29. Tar Wars - Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill are rival road construction bosses, battling to see who will win a coveted contract to rebuild a Los Angeles Freeway, destroyed by a runaway prop during the filming of Armageddon.

30. From Here to Paternity - Bobby Brown and David Lee Roth stars.

31. Stage Roach - Gilbert Gottfried as a wannabe actor, desperate to land a role, any role, in a Los Angeles theater production, to avoid having to go home in shame and face his high school drama classmates, who refused to let him be in any plays throughout school.

32. All About Steve - John Leguizamo as a man who moves between the different lives his split personalities lead, one as a successful hairdresser and the other as a construction foreman, until both are invited to the same party.

33. Paint your Station Wagon - Charles Grodin as a frustrated single-father who loses his mind and can't stop painting his station-wagon green.

34. Ms Lewinsky Goes to Washington - An idealistic woman goes to Washington to work as an intern in the White House and has her illusions shattered when no one will make a pass at her. George Hamilton has a cameo.

35. A Taxi Dancer Named Desire - Elizabeth Berkeley as a dancer in a downtown Los Angeles club who is more than willing to work overtime with favored clients. George Hamilton has a cameo.

36. The Island of Doctor Ruth. - Linda Hunt as the real-life sex therapist who runs an island paradise off the coast of Florida where the rich and famous fly to relax and indulge their wildest fantasies. George Hamilton has a cameo.

37. Netjerk. - Adam Sandler is Willy, an internet geek who lacks social skills, thrust into a new environment in his job as a computer repairman, working for Susan Dey.

38. All About Eve Plumb - Nicholas Cage is a child of the Brady Bunch generation who sets out to find the long-lost child star as a grown-up.

40. Dances with Wolf Blizter - Mike Douglas as a Pentagon correspondent for CNN during the Gulf War, and Selma Hayek as the belly dancer he meets in a club in Cairo.

41. Ben-Her - Michelle Pfeiffer in the true story of a jazz pianist who is forced to dress as a man to get music jobs in the 1930s.

42. High Nooner - Brad Pitt is an elevator operator at the Empire State Building and Jennifer Anniston the lawyer who meets him at noon daily as the elevator stops between floors.

43. The Unshaven - Clint Eastwood is the host and narrator of this look back at Westerns and unshaven cowboys.

44. Duck Soupy Sales - The mad pie thrower decides he will hit every member of the Forbes 400 in the face with a cream pie, and Jodie Foster is the F.B.I. agent assigned to stop him.

45. Rebel Without a Causeway - Rob Lowe as an American living in Venice, who can't find a way to cross the canal separating him from the object of his affections, Marisa Tomei.

46. To Mock a Bird Killing - William Hurt is a duck hunter who can't seem to kill a duck and Robin Williams is his best friend, who mocks his efforts.

47. The Mild Bunch - Reunites the gang from "Revenge of the Nerds" as a group of pathetic losers sharing a house on the Venice boardwalk during the summer, and their unsuccessful attempts to finally be deflowered.

48. Go in the Forest Gump - The untrue story of Andy Gump, world's largest manufacturer and supplier of "port-a-potties" and how he was forced into his trade by his father's refusal to let him use the family outhouse.

49. Driving Miss Lazy - Dan Akyroyd and Morgan Freeman take turns chauffeuring Roseanne Barr from her townhouse to her office, two blocks away.

50. 101 Donations - B.D. Wong as a Chinese emigre in the U.S. and his attempts to peddle political influence in Washington.

51. Dreadful Poets Society - Robin Williams and Kurt Russell are a pair of truly awful poets, who continue to try to get people to listen to their horrible prose.

52. Urban Cow - John Travolta as an environmentalist who insists on fresh milk for his children and fights a zoning ordinance that threatens to remove his cow from his backyard.

53. Police Academy VII - The title says it all. George Hamilton has a cameo.

54. E.P.T.: The Extraterrestrial Pregnancy Test - Uma Thurman is a bio-chemist kidnapped and held hostage by aliens who want her to invent a way to test their wives for fertility.

55. The Jazz Wedding Singers - Adam Sandler and Mandy Patinkin as brothers who sing jazz torch songs at weddings while trying to seduce bridesmaids.

56. The Fabulous Quaker Brothers. Jeff and Beau Bridges are the finalists in an oatmeal eating contest.

57. Forbidden Planet of the Apes - The bots from Mystery Science Theater break into a Hollywood studio in search of a copy of the unreleased film, Way Way Beyond Planet of the Apes. Charlton Heston and Arnold Stang are the stars of the Apes movie.

58. Do the Right Thing To Me One More Time - The Captain and Tenille buy and produce a Spike Lee script with themselves as the stars.

59. Vertigo in Fargo - Johnny Depp is a tourist in Fargo whose fear of heights becomes a problem when he climbs to the top of the tallest building in town, a three story office building.

60. Legends of the Fallen - Anthony Hopkins narrates this documentary look at political icons in Washington D.C. who have fallen from grace.

61. Terminate Her Too - James Cameron plays himself as a maniacal director who keeps firing actors and actresses in pairs as he desperately tries to finish casting his biggest epic ever, Titantically True Totally Recalled Lies.

62. The Way We Snore - Barbra Streisand leads a cast of large-nosed actors who suffer with sleep apnea and other disorders relating to their horrible snoring.

63. Beverly Hills Cropduster - Judge Reinhold as a former Beverly Hills Cop who is now a gardener and tries to find a faster way to treat the huge lawns he must care for.

64. Singing in the Acid Rain - Jackson Browne and other music industry luminaries in a live concert from a spot deep in the Amazon Jungle, to raise funds to save the rainforest.

65. Peter Panhandler - Mary Martin reprises her role as Peter, now homeless in Los Angeles.

66. Men in Black Tights - Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones as police officers who infiltrate an alien ballet corps.

67. Dependence Day - Bill Pullman as the President, who comes out and confesses his alcoholism to become the First Alcoholic, resulting in nightly AA meetings in the Oval Office.

68. The Wizard of Osmond - Donny and Marie Osmond play themselves in this biopic.

69. Rocky Horror Picture Show II - The original cast reunites to prove the old adage that leftover Meatloaf always tastes better.

70. Saturday Night Ebola Fever - John Travolta and Donna Pescow are two scientists at the Center for Disease Control, working in the hotlab with a deadly virus when K.C. and the Sunshine Band's "Get Down Tonight" is played on their radio, and they can't resist the impulse to boogie just one more time. They spill a sample onto the floor and they are history.

71. Goldfingered - Richard Dreyfuss is a psychologist who specializes in treating patients who can't stop picking their noses.

72. Sister, Act Like a Nun Dammit - Whoopi Goldberg is joined by Wynona Rider and Wynona Judd in this third and hopefully final episode in this series.

73. Dodger Blue Lagoon - Bruce Willis plays Rupert Murdoch in this drama about how a corporate entity's purchase of a baseball team changes their mood as it sinks their title chances.

74. The Barefoot Executive Decision - Kurt Russell stars as a Pentagon specialist forced to take orders from a monkey as he tries to save the world from a mad scientist played by Arte Johnson.

75. A Hard Lay at Night: The Viagra Story - Nicole Kidman and Meg Ryan as scientists bent on discovering a way to bring some life back to their impotent husbands.

76. The Umpire Strikes Back - Anthony Edwards is a baseball manager who has mouthed off to one too many umpires and he finds himself being thrown out of game after game.

77. Batman and Robin Quivers - George Clooney's Batman is joined by the ultimate in sidekicks, who is fired from her gig on the Howard Stern show after she dares to upstage the King of Media by winning a best buns contest at the local Hooters.

78. Silence of the Lamb Chop - Tired of the little puppet's success, Tonya Harding (played by herself) hires her ex-husband Jeff Gilooly (played by Christopher Penn) to break the hands off of Shari Lewis's figure at Hollywood Movieland Wax Museum.

79. Lawrence of Monrovia - Quentin Tarantino writes, directs, produces, stars, production designs, prop-masters, caters, set designs, provides security, films, edits, and is his own personal assistant on this production of a man named Lawrence who winds up in the L.A. suburb of Monrovia by accident and decides to go on a crime rampage after a gas station attendant refuses to let him use the restroom.

80. Doctor Does Little - Matt Damon is an attorney out to prove a HMO doesn't do a good job of caring for its patients.

81. Viva Los Lobos - A round-table gathering of the best minds in the music industry spend 90 minutes trying to figure out why this East L.A. Band ever hit the pop charts.

82. Suddenly Impacted - Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry arrests a suspect who is in the midst of a wisdom tooth extraction.

83. All the President's Women - Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman are investigative reporters once again, in Washingon D.C. They are on the trail of a completely different "Deep Throat" this time.

84. The Last Temptation of Christian Slater - Slater plays himself as an actor who will lose a 20 million dollar film deal if he uses drugs again before production is complete, and Robert Downey Junior is the limo driver bent on selling him a rock.

85. Larger than Life II: The Mama Cass Story - Kathy Bates puts on 100 lbs to play the pop singer whose death by consumption of a ham sandwich brought about the demise of the Mamas and Papas.

86. When a Man Loves an Unmarried Woman - Obviously a fantasy set in Hollywood, where one unmarried man, searches in vain for an unmarried, faithful woman.

87. Basic Instinct Training - Sharon Stone as the chief instructor at a course where women are taught how to take vengeance on their men, using butcher knives.

88. 42nd Streetfighter - Jean-Claude Van-Damme as a Broadway Hoofer/martial arts expert who takes on a gang of muggers preying on theatergoers

89. The Electric Horseman Bugaloo - Robert Redford kidnaps a famous break-dancing stallion. Shabadoo plays the horse's owner who must retrieve his prize or lose a chance to become part of the Siegfried and Roy entertainment extravaganza.

90. Twelve Angry Monkeys - An animal handler at the Los Angeles Zoo, played by Jim Carrey, is put on trial by the residents of the monkey house, after he steals their daily ration of bananas.

91. Killing Me Softly with His Thong - Fabio stars as a serial rapist who strangles women with his impossibly tight bikini underwear, and Holly Hunter is the detective bent on finding the killer before he strips again.

92. Mr. Hoffman is Opus - Dustin Hoffman stars as Opus, the main character in the revered comic strip "Bloom County", brought to life as a live-action story on the big screen.

93. Barefoot in the Dark - A hilarious compilation of home videos of people trying to walk around their houses at night, with the lights off, and how they react depending on what they step on in their bare feet. One segment of clips shot in homes with prolific pets.

94. Top Pun - Val Kilmer is the world's champion comic and Tom Cruise the rising star out to dethrone him at the annual comedy competition in the Catskills.

95. The Devil and Webster Hubbell - Kenneth Starr plays himself as a special prosecutor so desperate to win a conviction, he will sell his soul.

96. The Cable Guys and Dolls - A musical about cable installers who meet and fall in love while bringing premium television to a neighborhood.

97. The Ex-Files - Elizabeth Taylor hosts this look at all the men she's ever been married or engaged to.

98. Jesus Christ, Supermodel - No one but Dean Cain could play the second coming of the Messiah, who is spreading the gospel while modelling for the top agency in New York.

99. Here Comes Mr. Jordan 1999 - Bruce Willis plays a desperate NBA Commissioner David Stern, who refuses to let the league's top player retire and conspires to put another soul into Michael Jordan's body.

100. Sex, Lies and Audiotape - Wynona Ryder is a politician's intern who is telling her best friend about their affair, not knowing that the friend is using her telephone answering machine to record their conversations.